Battle Scars
by gleekwithasplashofsondheim
Summary: It's senior year at McKinley High. Mr. Schue brings out the "Hat of Fate." The assignment brings Noah and Kurt back to friendly terms. Noah finally apologizes to his boy about an incident in 9th grade. Will Kurt forgive him? Will Kurt love him?
1. Here's What You Missed On Glee

BATTLE SCARS

Written by: gleekwithasplashofsondheim

A Puckurt (Puck/Kurt) fanfic. I do not own Glee or the characters.

The title of the story is from the song "Battle Scars" by Bayside.

Warning(s): Swearing, homophobic slurs (they are essential to the theme of redemption).

* * *

><p>CHAPTER ONE – HERE'S WHAT YOU MISSED ON GLEE<p>

Senior year was proving to be a tough year for Glee Club.

Kurt had hoped that Blaine would be able to get out of Dalton Academy and transfer to McKinley High. Blaine had planned to. Once his parents, particularly his father, heard about the teenager's plans, he put a stop to it. Blaine didn't tell Kurt exactly what his father did or said regarding McKinley.

Sam's family was still having financial troubles, so more often than not, he had to miss Glee Club so then he can work. Burt Hummel had hired him as a part time employee at the shop in July. It wasn't a lot of money, but it helped.

Becky had become a wonderful addition to New Directions. The club managed to win Sectionals by having Puck, Tina, Finn and Becky sing "L-O-V-E" by Nat King Cole in pairs. Mr. Schue was hesitant to change the setup from a Rachel and Finn duet to L-O-V-E. Kurt got the club to rally behind one very clear message: New Directions was not like the Dalton Academy Warblers. If New Directions wanted to win, they had to break away from their usual formula, one that didn't involve original songs.

Lauren was still involved with the club, but did not always attend. Some Glee clubbers wouldn't be surprised if she dropped out next.

Those same people wouldn't be surprised if the next one to drop out after Lauren was Puck.

Losing Nationals was a big deal to Puck. However, he seemed to be fine most of the summer. Finn noticed Puck's demeanor change around the beginning of August. Puck started to become distant. Finn tried to get Puck out of his funk. Before school started, Finn would devote entire days to play video games with Puck. Finn often asked Kurt to join, because according to Finn, brothers play video games together. Once fall came, there were days when Finn had to force Puck to go to Glee Club. On the days that Puck went, he was mentally there about half the time. Puck being heavily involved during Sectionals lightened his mood, but quickly reverted back as soon as it was over.

Kurt was one of the few people in the club who put the embarrassing details of Nationals behind him. He saw other people's lack of motivation as a sign that his senior year wouldn't end on a glamorous trip to Nationals. He was strangely okay with that. He was more concerned with college hunting. He was months shy of being eighteen, a milestone that he had been looking towards for years. Kurt was ready to let things go. The summer, specifically hanging out with Finn and Puck, freed him to start letting go of old grudges. He forgave Dave Karofsky. When Dave moved to Columbus after junior year, Kurt sent him a letter wishing him luck.

With a few months before Regionals, Glee Club had to focus.


	2. The Hat of Fate

CHAPTER TWO – THE HAT OF FATE

Mr. Schue entered the choir room wearing a solid black fedora. The reactions from the students varied from excited (Rachel, and only Rachel) to silent bitch-face (Mercedes, Santana, Artie), and finally indifference (everyone else). The room was silent. The disapproval could be read on their faces as the New Directions teacher took off his fedora.

"Now, before you say anything, I want you to know that we're NOT doing Journey this week, going against the bi-monthly tradition of this club. No. I'm happy to bring back another New Directions favorite… THE HAT OF FATE!"

Mr. Schue tossed the hat towards the students, and it hit Tina square in the face.

"What the-" Tina started to say.

"Sorry Tina. The, uh, throwing wrist isn't what it used to be." Mr. Schue took the hat from the floor by Tina's chair, and placed it on top of the piano.

Brittany turned to her partner-in-crime, Santana. "Is that hat going to sort us into houses like in Harry Potter? I hope we get into Hufflepuff."

If it were anyone else, Santana would have told her off in an instant. But since it was Brittany, Santana looked at her with concern. "No, Brittany. This is for duet partners."

"That's right, Santana," Mr. Schue jumped in. "But this time, it won't be a duet. You'll still pull a name from the Hat of Fate. But you won't reveal the name you draw. After you draw the name, you need to find a song that represents your partner's personality from your perspective. The song also needs to be in a genre that you normally don't sing. Next time we meet, we'll perform the songs. After each performance, we'll guess which person you picked from the hat. This will be a great exercise to see how much you know about your classmates. The club was been in a state of depression for some time now, and we need to get in the zone. Regionals are not too far away!"

Each student, one by one, went up to the piano to grab a name from the Hat of Fate. The biggest reaction came from Puck. He took the name and stared at it for a minute. Without a word, he got his school stuff from his seat and left the choir room. It wasn't like Puck to storm off a-la Rachel Berry. However, it was very unlike Rachel Berry because Puck left quietly.

Kurt was the last student to pick from the Hat of Fate. On the inside, he was a little surprised, and nervous, when he read "Puck" on the piece of paper. The outside mask he wore to the world kept the element of mystery as to how he was truly feeling. Kurt showed the paper to Brad, the permanent piano man, perhaps to get a reaction out of him. Brad simply looked at Kurt and nodded. "Well," Kurt thought, "if Brad confirms it, then it must be real."

Kurt went over to where Finn was sitting, and practically had to use the call of a dying cat to get his attention off of Rachel.

"Finn, can I borrow your iPod?"

"Um… I'm not the name you picked, am I?" Finn seemed more curious than freaked out when inquiring, an improvement from sophomore year.

"It would hardly be a surprise if I told you either way, now would it?"

"I guess not. Why do you need to borrow my iPod?"

Kurt quickly made up a lie so then Finn wouldn't suspect anything. Although, knowing Finn, Kurt could have told him that he was a ninja and Finn would believe it.

"I left my iPod back at home. And, I know that you have Celine Dion's Greatest Hits on there. I'm having a post-Titanic "My Heart Will Go On" craving."

"So that was you who put that in there-"

Kurt interrupted. "For this very occasion of iPod backup. Yes I did. Can I, Finn? Please? Brother?"

"Yeah, I guess. Can I have it back tomorrow?"

"Of course! You're the best step-brother one can ask for!" Kurt offered his fist up to Finn, and Finn responded by bumping his fist with Kurt's. It was the only act of affection that proved not to be awkward between the two of them.

Kurt, ignoring the clock reading five minutes until Glee Club ended, left the choir room with his things. Before the door closed behind him, he faintly heard Rachel say, "I am so proud of you, Finn Hudson. Having Celine Dion as a part of your musical collection just proves that you are becoming more sophisticated everyday!"


	3. I Would Like A Nickel Back

CHAPTER THREE – I WOULD LIKE A NICKEL BACK

When Kurt entered his bedroom, one of the first things he did was take out Finn's iPod and searched through the artists. Kurt knew that there wouldn't be a song in his own collection that would even come close to describing Puck. Finn's music might prove better results.

_Breaking Benjamin. No, they sound too violent._

_Nickelback. I would have liked a nickel back for every time I heard one of their songs._

_Theory of a Deadman. Um, let's not._

Kurt put the songs on shuffle instead; tired of going through the artist list, so he could judge the songs and not the artists. He wouldn't get anywhere with this Glee assignment otherwise.

Twenty minutes, and half of his closet reorganized later, Kurt finally found a song. He felt tremendously proud because: A. It was a song he could sing. B. It wasn't from Broadway and C. This song, to him, was perfect for Noah Puckerman.

Kurt grabbed his phone from the desk and called Artie.

"Hey Artie, what's up? Are you doing anything tonight? Yeah, it's for the Glee assignment. I've picked a song and I was wondering if I could borrow you and your guitar skills. I don't think there's sheet music for it. I'll text you the song name and band. Yeah. 9 o'clock? Sure, thanks Artie. Bye."

Even though Kurt had some time before he was going to hang out with Artie, getting out of the house for a little bit seemed like a good idea. Kurt walked over to Finn's room and knocked on the closed door. Not wanting to walk in on him and Rachel ever, Kurt didn't enter Finn's room.

"Hey Finn. I'm going over to Artie's to work on the Glee assignment. Can you let Dad know when he gets back?"

"Sure."

"Is Rachel there?"

"Hi Kurt! Do you want to come in? Or at least open the door?" Rachel sounded very enthusiastic with her offer.

"I'd rather not. I wanted to know if you were interested in joining the girls and myself next Saturday afternoon for mani-pedis. I know it's still awkward after Nationals and all that, but it's senior year! We can't have mani-pedis with all the girls if we don't have all of the girls."

"I-I wouldn't want there to be any tension."

"I can assure you that there's more tension between you and Finn than there would be between you and the girls."

"Um, thanks, uh, for the invitation. But I'm pretty sure Santana said that if she saw me outside of school, she would ship my vocal chords to Scotland so they can turn it into haggis."

"Rachel, let me deal with Santana. Just say that you'll come."

"Okay, okay. I'll go."

"Excellent! I'll see you guys later. Finn, don't let Dad catch you with the door closed again."

Finn, attempting to mock Kurt's voice, said "Of course! You're the best step-brother one can ask for!"


	4. No More Puck, The Seed Has Spread

CHAPTER FOUR – NO MORE PUCK/THE SEED HAS SPREAD

Kurt got into his Navigator and drove the car away from the Hummel residence. He figured that he would just drive around aimlessly until it was time to go to Artie's. Kurt started thinking about the lyrics of the song he chose. The pain. The revelation. The grief. The grief especially made Kurt connect with that song. He decided to drive down to the Lima Park, where his mom used to take him before she got sick. He vaguely remembered walking hand in hand with her down the bike trails, before arriving at the swing set. She would push him on the swing and he felt like he could fly. He always felt he could fly whenever his mom was around. Kurt visited the park once in a blue moon when he felt nostalgic, or needed a private place to think. Tonight pertained to both, he thought.

Kurt parked his car by the park, and he saw a shadow sitting on top of one of the benches. A shadow sporting a familiar mohawk. Puck. Kurt didn't expect to see him there, of all places. He contemplated leaving, until he saw Puck drink from something that looked like liquor. He wasn't wearing a jacket, so Kurt hoped that at least the booze was keeping him warm.

He didn't know why he got out of the car and started heading towards Puck. They got along now. Kurt, much to his surprise, enjoyed playing video games with Finn and Puck. He wasn't good at Halo. He could play a mean Mario Party, which seemed to be the only game that Puck was good at as well. Finn was completely hooked on Halo like he was hooked on Rachel. Now Kurt was alone, in the park, with Puck. Kurt didn't know if he would be able to handle the situation without making it worse. That didn't stop his feet from walking towards Puck. Kurt's body knew before his mind that he should help out his "friend."

Puck didn't notice Kurt sit next to him on top of the bench. He took another drink of Jack Daniels and stared straight ahead. It wasn't until Kurt spoke that Puck knew he wasn't alone.

"Hey Puck."

"Last place I'd expect to see you, Hummel."

"Don't call me Hummel. Aren't you freezing?"

"I never get cold. Do you see any goose bumps on my arms, Princess?"

"I have a first name, Puck. Use it."

"Fine. Then you have to start calling me Noah again. No more Puck. I'm fucking tired of people calling me Puck."

"What brings you to Lima Park this evening, Noah?"

Noah got an envelope from the inside of his jacket pocket, and handed it to Kurt. Kurt glanced at the envelope, and looked at Noah. Noah nodded, and Kurt opened the envelope to see the contents. A picture.

"Shelby, Rachel's mom, sent this. It's Beth at her first birthday party. She's already fucking one, you know? She's so big."

Noah watched Kurt for a moment, and caught those blue eyes gleam at that picture. Beth was wearing a cowgirl outfit. Shelby was holding her near the birthday cake with the "1" candle on top of it. A lasso also came with Beth's outfit, which rested on Shelby's shoulders. The date on the picture read July 26th, 2011. Shelby must not be technology savvy, Kurt thought, because he remembered that Beth was born in the spring.

"She has your jawline."

"Now she does. The day after she was born, I swear her features were one hundred percent Quinn. I think she has my smile now too, which is good. She's going to be a charmer. I knew that already though. Like father like daughter, some shit like that. Or, in my case, like sperm dumpster like perfect angel."

Noah was close to breaking down as he thought of his little girl growing up away from him. He knew it was the best thing for everyone involved. He wasn't ready to be a father, even if he was prepared for it. He wanted to prove everyone wrong about him being a Lima Loser. He wanted to prove himself wrong about never amounting to anything. If Noah would have kept Beth, he could have finally been proud about something he did. Quinn cared more about getting back to her "normal" life than about the child. Noah may have loved Quinn because she was the mother of Beth, but he was never in love with her.

"Despite the numerous records of your sexual prowls, Noah Puckerman, you are hardly a dumpster. I should know. I've been thrown into a few of them."

Kurt hands the picture back to him and watches the willow trees sway. Noah looks at Kurt while he watches the willow trees. The branches were covered in frost.

"It's irony, right?"

Kurt's eyes matches Noah's. "What is?"

"Beth left over a year ago and not even a few months after that, you left."

Kurt didn't expect Noah to make that connection, but he couldn't deny it. Chronologically, that is what happened. Kurt couldn't say that Beth would come back, because he didn't know. Noah would have probably ignored that message. Kurt certainly ignored people when they told him, at eight, that his mom would recover from having cancer. He knew that she wouldn't. To say something like that to Noah now, about Beth being in Noah's life, would only be cruel. But, Kurt did know of one certainty.

"Yes, Noah, I did leave. But I came back. I'm here now."

Noah took another drink of Jack Daniels. The way Kurt said that to Noah tugged at his heartstrings. Noah had been thinking for months on how to start the conversation with Kurt that was three years overdue. It didn't help that Finn was always there when Kurt played the Xbox with him. Maybe now would be the only time that Noah could talk to Kurt alone.

"I still feel like shit that I haven't been there for you, Kurt. You, my mom, and Sarah were the only people I had for a long time. Telling you to visit that academy was one of the dumbest-"

"Noah?" Kurt interrupted.

"Hmm?" Noah felt a little defeated.

"How drunk are you?"

"I'm not drunk. Somebody watered this." He picks up his bottle and moves it so the liquid moves before setting it down again.

"Somebody watered down that entire bottle of Jack Daniels, which by the way, is over halfway gone?"

"Liquor stores do that to get people to buy the bigger sizes."

"Uh-huh." Kurt didn't believe the other boy for a second. Noah was not a lightweight, but he was drunk.

"How's, uh, Blade?" Noah wanted to change the conversation to anything else at that point. Noah really didn't know what went on with that hobbit from Dalton, otherwise he wouldn't have bothered asking.

"Blaine. He's peachy, I can imagine."

"Peachy? Hmm. Sounds like you guys broke up. Huh. Blaine. To quote the great John Hughes, 'Blaine? Blaine? That's the name of a major appliance, that's not a name!' Total genius. Shame he's dead. Did that peach try to disease your tree, Kurt? A bad peach can ruin an entire tree from it leaves, Kurt! Get it? The leaves are like hands on a peach. He better not have forced his leafy hands on you."

Kurt was starting to think that Noah harbored deeper conflicts that had nothing to do with Beth. Kurt was not a hundred percent sure on his instinct, and he knew that he had to be cautious around this topic. He learned that lesson the hard way. Twice.

"Noah, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Is Beth the only thing that's troubling you tonight?"

Noah took a few moments to think about the question. He looked into Kurt's eyes, and Kurt saw a look he remembered all too well on himself. Noah was broken.

"No."

Kurt remained silent. Any more initiation would have to come from Noah. It would be more organic that way. Kurt saw a feeling of intimacy in Noah's eyes that they haven't shared for years.

"I don't want to get into it tonight."

Kurt didn't say anything; he kept looking at Noah's eyes. Noah knew that Kurt was still looking at him, which was kind of annoying, but at least somebody in the world was willing to listen to him right now. Most people were prone to accuse Noah of doing something rather than let him explain. Kurt never seemed to do that. He admired that about him.

"I don't want to get into it when I'm drunk."

"You said you weren't drunk."

"I'm not."

Kurt took the bottle from Noah. He brings the bottle up to his nose, and one whiff of it almost makes him gag. He stands up and starts pouring the booze on the grass.

"What the hell are you doing?" Noah was getting a bit agitated.

"You said it was watered down, right? I figure it would be good for what little grass is left. Like alcohol fertilizer or something."

Noah burst out laughing. "Alcohol fert- what the- sure! Of course! The grass will start sprouting off little bottles of Jack Daniels' come springtime, Kurt! Congrats, the seed is spread!" After the laughter died down, a genuine smile came from Noah's face.

Kurt looked at his cell phone and saw that it was almost 9 o'clock.

"I have to get over to Artie's. He's helping me with my song choice. Do you need a ride home?"

"Nah. I'm good."

"Ok. I'll see you in Glee, Noah." Kurt turned around and walked towards his car. Noah watched him leave. The lack of force in the conversation was a relief to Noah. Kurt didn't tell him to be safe. Kurt didn't plead for him to go home, or make him promise that he'll be at school the next day. Kurt didn't lecture him on the dangers of frostbite. The tone Noah read from Kurt was the tone that knew grief. They both dealt with their separate kinds of grief in the same way – Glee Club. The tone also read, he hoped, was forgiveness. Noah wasn't convinced that things were okay between him and Kurt, but he'll keep trying.

Noah pulled out his cell phone and made a phone call. There was no answer, so he left a message.

"Rachel, hey, it's Noah. I guess you can't come to the phone because you're getting your mack on. Can you do me a favor? I need to find a song that talks about parks or trees or something. Broadway or whatever, but it has to be from a Jewish artist. I hope you can help me out. You totally owe me after the Barbra Streisand intervention. Later."

Noah jogged home instead of trying to drive. He could always get his truck in the morning. Better safe than sorry. Noah was able to keep warm because of the jogging, and the Jack Daniels was still in his system. He arrived back home before ten. Noah didn't have to worry about getting caught by his mom, because she was never home before 3AM most nights. Her job as a bartender meant that Noah had to look after the house when she was gone. He went upstairs to check up on his sister, Sarah. At least the babysitter put her to bed this time, Noah thought. He pulled Sarah's blanket up to her shoulders and kissed her head. Sarah stirred and called out for her brother.

"Noah, where have you been?" Even when the ten year old was half asleep, she could still be bossy. Sarah had Noah wrapped around her little finger for as long as he could remember.

"I ran into Kurt. Do you remember him?"

"Duh! I wasn't born yesterday. Did you apologize?"

"Almost."

"Well, stop being a meanie and do it! Kurt won't ever become my brother-in-law if you don't." Sarah turned her back to him and the silence of the room was rushed away by her snoring.


	5. My Heart Will Go On

CHAPTER FIVE – MY HEART WILL GO ON

Kurt walked away from Noah in a state of confusion. That conversation was the longest they've had in a long time. For the past couple of months, Kurt had hung out with Finn and Puck, but that consisted only in playing video games. Talking never went beyond politeness, or bragging rights for being the champion of something. Kurt noticed Puck's behavior as much as Finn did, but Kurt didn't like to pry, unlike his stepbrother. Kurt loved to gossip; he also knew that if someone's mental state is in jeopardy, you don't go there. Kurt had no idea how much losing Beth affected Puck, no, Noah, he corrected himself. Kurt's intuition told him that there might be more to Noah's grief. Kurt accidently interrupted Noah when – wait. Oh no, Kurt thought. Noah tried to apologize to him.

Kurt felt a vibration in his pocket. He took out his cell phone to see that Artie started texting him.

Artie: "Did you draw my name from the hat?"

Kurt: "Why do you ask?"

Artie: "Some of the lyrics sound a bit like my situation."

Kurt: "Like?"

Artie: "You know, the verse about the doctor and the legs?"

Kurt: "OH! Shit. Um, I didn't even catch that. I'm sorry. I can't tell you who I picked though."

Artie: "I'm helping you perform this, and you won't even tell me who the song is for?"

Kurt: "I haven't told anyone. Honestly. Not even Mercedes, and I tell her pretty much everything. I want my pick to be a secret until Glee. I hope you're still willing to help me out."

Artie: "Alright. I guess we're still tight. The song seems simple enough. See you soon?"

Kurt: "I'm on my way."

"My Heart Will Go On" serenaded Kurt's ears in the car. He started thinking about the look Noah had when Kurt asked if anything else was bothering him. Broken. If this situation had happened a few years ago, Kurt would have filed it under swift and heavy justice. But now, there was a burden in that look that they both shared.


	6. Flashback: The Locker Room

CHAPTER SIX – FLASHBACK: THE LOCKER ROOM

"I'm on my way, Dad. Yes, Dad. Gym class just ended. That is my last class. I don't understand why you need me to call when I'm coming straight to the garage. Dad, I'm 14. I can handle some time away from you. I'm not getting an attitude. I'll be there in twenty minutes. Okay. Okay. Okay, Dad. I'm sorry. Love you. Bye."

Kurt hung up his phone, and opened up his cubby in the locker room. He hated gym class. It was a required class for all high school freshmen, and he loathed it. If the sweat didn't come from dancing or performing in some way, Kurt didn't want anything to do with it. Kurt made a promise to his dad that he would take gym class this year. Then next year, he could pick any elective he wanted. Until then, he would endure the class, then wait ten minutes after it ended so he could change in private. The less time he spent with the jocks, the better.

Noah Puckerman, sporting a new mohawk, appeared from behind a row of lockers and walked over to Kurt. Noah relished in the fact that he was at last taller than Kurt. Kurt had always been the tall one until Noah's growth spurt the year before.

"Hey."

"Long time no see, Noah." Noah felt stung by Kurt's icy tone.

"Yeah. Do you want to come over to my house today? Sarah keeps mentioning something about purple nail polish and Lisa Frank. That's not my arena."

"Can't. I have to work at the garage."

"Oh. Uh, what about tomorrow?"

"Can't you see that I'm mad at you?" Kurt glared at Noah, which gave the other boy chills in his spine.

"What did I do?" Noah said defensively.

"Oh, I don't know. You may be latched to the hip of a one Dave Karofsky, whom you've known for five seconds, while at the same time shit on a friendship that you've had since first grade."

"Come on, Kurt. High school is all about making friends. Trust me, Dave's cool."

"Trust you? How hilarious. I can't trust you anymore. My best friend wouldn't have called me a faggot when I tried talking to him last week. My best friend wouldn't have forgotten the pact we made. My best friend wouldn't have betrayed me. I don't even know who you are anymore, _Puck_. It's obvious that you can't decide who your true friends are, so I'm making this easy for you. We're done. Send my apologies to Sarah."

The tears were starting to form in Kurt's eyes. He quickly gathered his things. Noah could see that the other boy was starting to break down.

"Kurt."

Kurt turned around and looked at Noah straight in the eyes. Kurt was broken.

"Your mohawk is stupid." Before Noah had a chance to say anything else, Kurt was gone.


	7. Battle Scars

CHAPTER SEVEN – BATTLE SCARS

Noah stood outside the choir room, taking a few moments to calm down before going to Glee Club. "Don't whimp out," he thought, "It's going to be okay. You aren't Puck anymore. But you're still Noah Puckerman! Noah Puckerman does not back down from a challenge. So what if you've never done a Broadway song? Rachel's been helping you out all week, and she's like an expert at this stuff. If it goes wrong, then you'll live. Okay. Let's rock this!"

Noah walked into the choir room and found thirteen pairs of eyes looking at him.

"Well, now that we have everyone," Mr. Schue said, "we can get started. Who wants to go first?"

"Mr. Schue, if I may?" Kurt walked to the front of the room as Noah was sitting down. Noah noticed a slight change in Kurt's appearance. No products on his face or skin. His hair was shaggy, but still styled. He wore a glam-rock type of outfit, which was as low maintenance as Kurt usually was in public.

"The song I'm going to sing, with Artie's help on the guitar, is 'Battle Scars' by Bayside.'"

Artie wheeled next to Kurt and got his guitar ready. Artie started off the song and one of the band kids joined in on the drums.

_BATTLE SCARS BY BAYSIDE_

_I've been brushed to the side,_

_I've been taken for rides,_

_He said I'm gonna do fine,_

_But I never knew why,_

_I thought that I could still make it,_

_How do we say it?_

_I just wanted it in the worst way._

Kurt head-banged to the beat before he sang the first verse. He looked at Quinn, then Santana, and then focused at the back wall while growling, "I just wanted it in the worst way."

_My life is such a wreck,_

_I finally realize._

_I've got battle scars, battle scars, battle scars,_

_I've got battle scars, battle scars, battle scars._

_I left behind my moral ties, _

_They're gone before you know._

_I've got battle scars, battle scars._

Kurt took his hands and touched his arms and chest to symbolize the scars. He clutched his chest for the last three lines of the verse, mostly to stop him from shaking.

_All my friends can see right through_

_This confidence that I pretend is real._

_I'm happier this way I think,_

_But I can't remember how I really feel._

Kurt head-banged during the guitar part once more. This time he did so while doing the air guitar move. Once he started singing again, he snapped his head back up and looked at Noah. Kurt's eyes softened when he sang, "I'm happier this way I think," and turned to yearning at, "But I can't remember how I really feel."

_My life is such a wreck,_

_I finally realize._

_I've got battle scars, battle scars, battle scars,_

_I've got battle scars, battle scars, battle scars._

_I left behind my moral ties, _

_They're gone before you know._

_I've got battle scars, battle scars._

For the first two lines of the next verse, Kurt looked at Mercedes. Then he gestured the battle scars on his own body once more while looking at Mr. Schue. Kurt clutched his chest again and slowly went down on his knees.

_Please doctor, come cure me, I lost my legs._

_I walked for ten long years, _

_And I tripped on the way._

_I don't know if I can take ten more, _

_I'm getting comfortable on the floor,_

_And I could sleep for days, _

_And dream about life with a general distaste._

Kurt grabbed his legs and tried standing up, but literally tripped back down during the line, "And I tripped on the way." He slowly laid down, closed his eyes, mimicking the lyrics about the floor and sleeping.

_Cause I've got battle scars, battle scars, battle scars,_

_I've got battle scars, battle scars, battle scars._

Kurt got back on his knees with his eyes still shut. He sang the next two lines quieter than he did with the previous lines. Noah looked at him in complete awe. Something in him just wanted to hug the other boy. If he summoned up the courage once the club ended, he probably would.

_I've got battle scars, battle scars, battle scars,_

_I've got battle scars, battle scars, battle scars._

_I left behind my moral ties,_

_They're gone before you know._

_Ask for hope and dignity, I lost them long ago._

_I've got battle scars, battle scars._

For the last lines, Kurt opened his eyes and stood up. He positioned his legs in a wide stance so he could elongate his body for the long notes at the end. When he stopped singing, the drummer stopped but the guitar held on for a few more seconds. Then nothing.

The few moments of silence were broken by several cheers and clapping from the Glee Club. Kurt only wanted to give Noah a quick glance, but that second of recognition made the performance worth it. Some of the girls went up to give Kurt a hug. Some of the guys gave him a high five or bumped fists. Noah just smiled.

"Anyone want to take a guess as to who my song was for," Kurt asked the club.

No one spoke for a minute. They were actually kind of stumped. The song Kurt chose could have applied to anyone in the club. Everyone in Glee had scars of his or her own.

"Puck?" Brittany said quietly. The club all looked at her, and then looked at Kurt, waiting for an answer.

"That would be correct. Brava, Brittany."

Santana grinned at Brittany as she put her hand on the other's leg. "My girl is so smart."

"Noah," Kurt said. Noah lifted his head up and put all his attention to Kurt. "You were right about the peach."


	8. Vibrato Life Lessons

CHAPTER EIGHT – VIBRATO LIFE LESSONS

Artie performed his song next. Noah didn't know what song he was listening to. Noah seemed to be fine until he remembered that he compared Kurt's hobbit to a peach leaf molester. Now he was trying not to freak out. Noah was anxious for Artie's song to end. If he couldn't sing this song soon he would vomit. Noah's never felt like this about singing a song before, yet there he was, at that breaking point. After it was revealed that Artie was singing about Mercedes, Noah had to claim the next slot. He got the sheet music from his bag, walked over and handed the papers to Brad.

"I hope it's alright that I go next. Um. The song I'm going to sing is called 'Sunday.' Mandy Patinkin originally sang the version I'll be singing. He's totally Jewish. And he was Inigo Montoya in 'The Princess Bride,' so he's also a badass."

"Oh my Gaga," Kurt thought. "He's singing Sondheim." Kurt had no idea that Noah even knew about the existence of "Sunday in the Park with George." Most people didn't.

Unless.

Rachel Berry.

Noah probably wanted help from Rachel so then it would make singing to her a lot easier. Kurt glanced over at Rachel and saw her shit-eating grin. Kurt was convinced now that Rachel was the name Noah picked.

Rachel gave Noah two very big thumbs up before he began.

During the brief speaking part of the song, Noah and Brad went back and forth as Noah spoke each word. It was a unique kind of duet.

_Remember, George._

_Order, design, attention, balance, harmony._

Noah started the second verse very quietly.

_Sunday, by the blue, purple, yellow, red water,_

_On the green, purple, yellow, red grass._

_Let us pass through our perfect park._

He wasn't looking at anyone as he sang. He was more focused on keeping his voice in control. Noah wasn't used to singing this kind of song, especially when he has to sing softly for half of it.

_Pausing on a Sunday,  
>By the cool, blue, triangular water,<br>On the soft, green, elliptical grass.  
>As we pass through arrangements of shadows,<br>Towards the verticals of trees._

When Noah started thinking of the grass and the trees, he gave off a huge smile as he sang. He remembered everything about his conversation with Kurt in the park, even the part when Kurt dumped the rest of his Jack Daniels onto the grass. The volume in his voice increased steadily by "Towards the verticals of trees."

Noah increased the vibrato by this point as well. "Not too much," Rachel had instructed him, "but just enough to match the intensity of the song. You do not want to try to reach Mandy Patinkin vibrato on the first try, Noah." Rachel burned him a CD to help him practice, which included his song and "Dancing Through Life." She seriously named the blank CD "Vibrato Life Lessons."

_Forever  
>By the blue, purple, yellow, red water,<br>On the green, orange, violet mass of the grass,  
>In our perfect park.<em>

Noah sang "Forever" with a bang of emotion so heavily that he thought he was going to pass out. He would never again doubt the badass abilities of a Broadway singer. Noah didn't know how he was even surviving this song. Then he sang, "In our perfect park," in the soft tone he started with.

Kurt was impressed by the vulnerability Noah was showing in the song. Clearly, Rachel as his musical muse was working well for him. But Noah's song choice confused the hell out of him. Nothing about this song described Rachel.

_Made of flecks of light,  
>And dark, and parasols.<br>_

Noah looked at his classmates during the short verse. Most just seemed to pay attention, unsure of what would happen next. Noah looked at everyone but Kurt.

_People strolling through the trees,  
>Of a small suburban park,<br>On an island in the river._

The next three lines increased the volume and the vibrato in Noah's voice. Brad matched his changes with the piano. Noah had been worried about the loud, repetitive part where he mostly said "Sunday" while he practiced it at home. But now that it was time to perform it, Noah couldn't escape it. He couldn't escape a lot of things anymore. And for the first time in Noah's life, he didn't want to.

_On an ordinary Sunday,  
>Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.<em>

Noah's face was completely red by the last "Sunday." He was almost out of breath. Luckily for him, there was a five second pause before the very end of the song, which was a speaking part. Noah looked at Kurt, searching for the other boy's eyes, but Kurt had his eyes closed, entranced by the song. Noah kept his look on Kurt anyway.

_White, a blank page or canvas,  
>His favorite, so many possibilities.<em>

The performance ended with subtle claps from the Glee Club. Mr. Schue had asked the class to guess whom Noah was singing about, but no one gave an answer.

"I'm really disappointed in you guys. Most of you have been in this club for three years, and the lack of participation is appalling. It seems to me like you either don't know your classmates very well, or you don't care."

Mr. Schue came up to Noah and put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "Would you like to tell us who the song was for?"

"It's obviously for Rachel, Mr. Schue." Quinn piped in. "She's been bouncing in her chair like a damn chipmunk the whole time. I'm surprised she didn't run out of batteries."

"For the last time, Quinn, I do not operate on batteries. I operate on my talent."

"My song was for Kurt," Noah admitted. Kurt instantly shot his head up as if he just heard that Michelle Obama would visit Lima, Ohio. Mercedes gave Kurt a look that read off as, "What exactly is going on?" Kurt shrugged his shoulders at his friend.

Mr. Schue signaled the end of Glee Club, and that the performances would continue next week. Noah gathered the sheet music from Brad, and thanked the piano man. He went to his seat and needed to take a breather. Noah watched the rest of the Glee Club leave, except for Kurt. Kurt stayed in his seat, back faced to Noah. The smaller boy waited until the last person left until Kurt turned around.

"Interesting song choice, Noah."

"Yeah."

"I honestly thought that it was for Rachel. Watching her fan-girl was nauseating."

"You know Rachel. This stuff is like crack to her. She's the one who helped me practice the song. I told her what kind of song I was looking for, and she picked that."

"I see." There was slight sound of disappointment in the way Kurt said it.

"I only asked Rachel because she knew Broadway stuff."

"It sounded like she was trying to kill you. What the hell was she thinking anyway, a Sondheim song! You could have died, Noah."

"Rachel actually changed some things to make it easier for me. I just didn't follow her directions."

"Why not?"

"If Inigo Montoya can belt it out like that, so can I." Noah was so sure of himself when he said that. Noah put up the "badass Jew" front, hoping that Kurt wouldn't figure out the real reason. Noah wanted to impress him.

"I really enjoyed the performance, Noah. Thank you."

"No problem. I liked your song too, Kurt. No one else in Glee could have picked a better song that describes me."

"Well, at one point, I knew you better than most of the people in this school."

You still do, Kurt, Noah thought. He needed to apologize to Kurt, and he needed to do it fast. Noah had a plan.

"I was wondering what you're doing on Saturday. There are a couple of things I want to talk to you about."

"I have a mani-pedi date with the girls that afternoon, but Saturday evening is free. Would you be completely opposed to Breadstix?"

"Nah. That place is dope." At least there would be free breadsticks in case the plan didn't go well. Free things always made Noah feel better.

"Good. Would you mind doing me a favor before Saturday?"

"Sure."

"Can you get Santana to play nice with Rachel during the mani-pedis? I want all the girls to be there, without any drama. If Santana explodes on Rachel again, that would make Kurt Hummel very unhappy, and I refuse to be unhappy when I'm eating at Breadstix. I don't care how you convince Santana. But if it involves sex, do not let me know."

"I'll see what I can do." Noah stood up and put on his backpack. Kurt also stood and got his things.

"Great! I'll see you on Saturday. Eight sharp."

Kurt and Noah were next to each other off of the risers. Noah hesitated, but moved in to hug Kurt. They held each other for a good minute. Noah was proud that he gained the courage to hug the smaller boy. Noah broke the hug, smiled at Kurt, and then left the choir room. Kurt was left with a racing heart that refused to calm down.


	9. Flashback: The Cafeteria

CHAPTER NINE – FLASHBACK: THE CAFETERIA

Fourteen-year-old Noah had just finished eating lunch at the football players table in the cafeteria. He saw that David Karofsky was taking his time on the lasagna.

"Hurry up, man! You shouldn't be eating lasagna when we have football in three hours. You'll end up puking. I don't want to be responsible for your dumbass again." Noah ordered to Karofsky. Karofsky gave him the finger and picked up his tray.

"Hey, look over there. It's fruit cake Hummel."

"Whatever, dude. Kurt's cool."

"Are you a fruit cake like him, Puckerman? If so, then we have a problem."

"Last time I checked, being friends with someone doesn't make you gay."

"I don't buy that. All I know is, eventually Hummel is going to try to sneak a peak in the locker rooms."

"I don't think we would be his type, Karofsky." Noah said, with a slight pain in his voice. What if Kurt didn't want him? Noah thought he was over his crush on Kurt.

"Dude, we have to stop him. I dare you to call him a faggot in front of the entire cafeteria. Put him in his place."

"What if I say no?" Noah stood up to match Karofsky's stance to try to intimidate him.

"If you don't do it, then I'll break his face in. Then I'll do the same to you."

Kurt walked over to Noah and asked him if he had the notes from Biology class. Karofsky's face fumed at the sight of Kurt, and tried pushing Noah away so he could attack the smaller boy. Noah had to act fast.

"Hey! Leave the faggot alone!" His voice echoed throughout the entire cafeteria. Noah turned around, but Kurt was already gone. Noah sent a murderous glare to Karofsky before walking away. Kurt wasn't the one who was put in his place; Noah was forced into a place because of Karofsky. Three years later, he was still struggling to escape that place.

Noah felt a sharp pain on the back of his head where Santana smacked him.

"Are you paying attention to anything I'm saying?"

"What the fuck, Santana? That hurt!" Noah growled through his teeth while he rubbed his head. He was secretly grateful that she took him away from that memory.

"Then don't ignore me."

"Whatever. What were you saying?"

"I said if you can give me a legit reason to not kill Rachel Berry on Saturday, then I might show her mercy."

Noah took a couple of deep breaths. He wanted to word this in a certain way. Unfortunately he started thinking about the hug and the words started flying out of his mouth.

"The mani-pedi thing has to go well Santana. This is really important, okay? I finally have the chance to apologize to my boy. If Kurt's not in a good mood at Breadstix, I'll miss my opportunity. I've been trying to find ways to take back every hurtful thing I've done to him. The one thing I never did was apologize. I was the one who suggested that Kurt visit Dalton Academy last year. I knew that it might risk losing him at McKinley. But seeing him safe meant more to me. I knew for a long time what kind of person Karofsky was and I needed to get Kurt away from him. I was a coward and didn't stand up for Kurt in 9th grade, and I know I can't take it back. Santana, you don't have to do this for me, we've had our issues. But I know you've been where I am right now. I just need my chance to make things right. Kurt was my first crush when we were kids. Kurt is my first love now."

Noah, realizing that he said all of that out loud, hesitantly looked at Santana. Her jaw felt like it dropped to the ground like an anvil on a cement floor. She searches Noah's eyes for any hint of dishonesty. She was always able to read his emotions. The look Noah had now when he talked about Kurt was never present with her, or the other girls he hooked up with, for that matter.

"Brittany, get out of the closet," Santana said.

Brittany walked out of Santana's clothes closet. "You should be saying that to Puck." Brittany sat next to Puck on the bed, and leaned against his shoulder.

"I've known for a while," Brittany told Noah. "You and Kurt were totally a couple in my Britney Spears dream. Oh, Santana, this is so exciting! Are we the first people you told, Noah? I feel like a fairy gay-mother."

"Rachel knows." Noah admitted that he loved Kurt, to someone else, that wasn't himself, and he wasn't freaking out. In fact, he became calm, like he should have done this a long time ago. Rachel didn't count because it was through coercion. Trying to convince Santana this would be difficult, if not impossible.

Santana gave Noah the ice queen face, reserved only for people who have truly pissed her off. Noah lost his virginity to her, and she's the second to know?

"You told that centaur before me?"

"I had to Santana! She wouldn't have helped me with my song otherwise!"

Brittany left Noah's shoulder to walk over to Santana. Brittany held the other girl's hand as a calming method.

"That's why Rachel was so happy," Brittany stroked Santana's hair. "She probably felt like a fairy gay-mother too."

"Ok," Santana kept her focus only on Brittany, "I won't drug her and leave her stranded in a corn field. This offer is only for Saturday though. I won't hurt her, but I'm not going to talk to her either."

"I'm not concerned about the talking."

"Good. We need to have a lengthy discussion about this soon, Puck."

"Don't call me Puck. Call me Noah. I'm not attaching any labels to myself either, so don't even ask." He was serious in his request.

"Does this mean that we can go on double dates with them?" Brittany asked Santana.

Santana pulled Brittany into a hug that reminded Noah of his own. Santana looked at him and nodded. "Noah, go get your boy."


	10. The Mani Pedi Date

CHAPTER TEN – THE MANI-PEDI DATE

Mercedes knew that something was different with Kurt. Lately, Kurt had been a bit secretive. He had a gleam in his eye that Mercedes noticed the week before the Glee Club performances. She was determined to find out. Normally, she would ask him that sort of thing in private. However, a part of her still doesn't trust Kurt's word when he says he's fine. It would be a lot harder for Kurt to hide his feelings when confronted by more than one person, however uncomfortable it made him.

The mani-pedi event in the Hummel household was the perfect location for a Mercedes type of investigation. If she broke the ice, then all the girls would get the answers out of him sooner or later.

Kurt was putting purple nail polish on Becky's toenails. Becky was the only one who didn't want the complete mani-pedi treatment. He had just finished painting her left toes when he heard Mercedes' question.

"So, Kurt. You and Puck were acting kind of peculiar at Glee Club. What's going on?" Kurt looked away from Becky's feet to see the room full of girls looking at him, as if they all wanted to ask him the same thing.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Cedes."

"Puck sang a Broadway song. A broad-way song, Kurt!"

"I thought the point of the assignment was to sing the opposite of what you were used to," Tina said.

"Singing a Broadway song was completely different for him, that's true. I can wrap my head around that. But the way he looked at you during the last verse…" Mercedes stopped talking, hoping that Kurt would get the message.

"He didn't look-" Quinn started to say.

"He totally did!" Rachel squeaked, looking like she was about to burst.

Santana looked at Brittany. Brittany nodded. Both girls went over to Rachel.

"Hey there, Berry-licious," Brittany said. Each girl took one of Rachel's arms and led her out of Kurt's room. "Santana and I want you to join the secret society of the fairy gay-mothers."

"A secret society." Santana practically growled the word secret.

Kurt was relieved to not have Rachel in there at that moment. That girl must seriously inhale caffeine because lately she would not sit still around him.

Kurt had no idea that Noah was looking at him at the end. From what he could remember, his eyes were closed. Kurt was picturing the picnics he had had with his mom. Then he really heard Noah's voice, and thought of their conversation in the park.

"I have reason to believe," Kurt said carefully, "that Noah is trying to apologize to me."

Santana, Brittany and Rachel returned and went back to their nails like nothing had happened.

"But he's been pretty good for the last year, right? He hasn't really been bullying anyone," Quinn said.

Kurt realized that if he told the girls the truth, they would finally leave him alone about it. Kurt was still trying to figure it out himself really. He wasn't ready to tell the girls the story, but he needed to for his own sanity.

"Contrary to popular belief, my history with Noah is longer than anyone else's in this room. Noah and I went to elementary school together. We met when I was six. My teacher reprimanded me for singing during math class one day. Noah joined in and sang with me. We became friends after that. I think it was through our love of music, because even back then we were so different. We sang all the time, and it got us through a lot of tough stuff. The day after my mom died, Noah came up to me during recess and sang 'You Are My Sunshine.' When Noah's dad left, I came over to his house and sang 'All You Need Is Love.' I helped Noah take care of Sarah, and she became my unofficial sister. Noah was my first crush, before I even knew what that meant."

Kurt paused for a moment. He smiled at the memories they shared. His eyes were a little teary, but he quickly composed himself.

"We spent less time together in middle school, because he moved out of my district. I was too ashamed to admit my attraction to him. I was barely out to myself. Noah started playing sports, which took up most of his free time. I was excited when I found out that we would both be at McKinley. I thought that our friendship would pick up again. In the beginning of freshman year, Noah made friends with Karofsky and others from the football team. I had a harder time making friends, with the exception of Mercedes and Tina, of course. I went to talk to Noah about biology class one day, and Karofsky was with him. I swear they were attached at the hip. It makes sense now. Karofsky was about to charge towards me…" Kurt hesitated to continue. He hadn't shared this story with anyone since it happened; now he was telling it to eight girls at the same time.

"What happened," Becky asked.

"Noah yelled, 'Leave the faggot alone!' Hearing that from him felt like a dagger was stabbing my heart."

"How come you never told me this before?" Mercedes asked, stroking Kurt's arm. "I would have beat the shit out of Puck and make him apologize to you then and there!"

"It hurt too much to even think about it. I backed out of the friendship absolutely sure that I would forget what he used to mean to me. It was easier that way, at first. Then he joined Glee Club, and we've rebuilt some parts of the friendship, but…. I don't know. It still hurts."

"So, you think after all this time, he's going to apologize for that now? Puck really isn't the one to apologize, like, ever. Except if he's like in love with someone, maybe, but other than that, I doubt it. Some fantasies just aren't worth living out, Hummel," Lauren said, then shrugged her shoulders.

"You know him the least out of all of us, so you aren't in a position to judge," Quinn snapped. "And you two," she looked at Rachel and Santana, "have been unbearably quiet."

"Just absorbing the story," Santana said.

"Like a sponge!" Brittany giggled at her own words.

Kurt felt the hostility in the room like a cage full of hungry jackals.

"Okay, ladies. I, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, decree that there shall be no more seriousness for the rest of the afternoon! I still have some time before my dinner plans at Breadstix, so if you girls want to watch a movie, I'll be up here getting ready."

"You're not going to watch with us?" Mercedes asked.

"I just need a breather. As soon as I'm properly dressed, I'll join you."

Kurt closed his bedroom door after the girls left. If Noah was going to apologize to him, then he should at least look his best.


	11. Don't Label Me

CHAPTER ELEVEN – DON'T LABEL ME

Noah worked out to relieve tension, whether it was sexual or just general stress that got to him. Today was no different. He had a few hours before he had to be at Breadstix, so killing some time working on his guns couldn't hurt. He was at the Lima YMCA, doing some reps on his biceps. He looked around at some of the other guys working out. "I may have changed, but I can still take them all down," Noah thought. He heard a vibration coming from his gym bag. He retrieved his cell phone and saw that Quinn texted him.

"You're a fucking idiot."

"Hello to you too." Noah texted back.

"I heard Kurt's side of the story about 9th grade. You said that Dave called him 'that' word when it was actually you! So when you cried to me about it, was that just you trying to hook up with me? That's really fucking pathetic."

Noah took a few deep breaths and began texting Quinn back.

"Yes, I was a fucking idiot then. No, that wasn't my intention. I was crying because I hurt the person I loved more than anyone else with one word. I broke our pact with one word. Dave told me that if I didn't call him that then he would beat up Kurt. I tried to tell Kurt that afterwards but he ended the friendship. It's probably going to take a million words before he ever forgives me, but it's worth it."

"Wow. I didn't realize. Um. Puck. 'I hurt the person I loved…' Are you gay?"

"Don't label me."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Maybe I'm just not afraid anymore to go for someone I've loved for years."

"So, bisexual?"

"Seriously, Quinn? Look, I have to go. Talk to you later."


	12. Sarah And Her Ken Dolls

CHAPTER TWELVE – SARAH AND HER KEN DOLLS

Sarah was in her room, playing with her two Ken dolls. The babysitter plopped herself on the couch and ignored the little girl, like she did every other time. Noah didn't request the babysitter very often, which was usually his mothers doing. But tonight was different. Sarah wanted to go with Noah to Breadstix, but he explained that he needed to meet with Kurt alone. Noah had told her that her cuteness would distract Kurt. Sarah couldn't argue with that. She knew that she was as cute as a button. Sarah made her Ken dolls kiss by pushing their heads together.

"Kurt and Noah, sitting in Breadstix, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. Well, that's silly. Kurt doesn't have a vagina. They'll adopt! Kurt and Noah, sitting in Breadstix, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby from an orphanage!"


	13. Breadstix

CHAPTER THIRTEEN - BREADSTIX

Noah Puckerman was sitting at the booth in Breadstix at eight sharp. He had gotten there a half hour early to make sure they got a spot. Saturday nights were very busy at Breadstix. Noah wondered what Kurt's intentions were for picking a very public spot. What if Kurt thought that this was just a prank? "Fuck, I hope not," Noah thought. That was something he was worried about, that Kurt would take this as anything less than serious. Noah was nervous, but these thoughts did not help. Noah heard his phone buzzing on the table. It was a text from Santana.

"Good news for you. Berry is still alive. Bad news for you. Most of the girls hate you."

"I got bitched at by Quinn earlier, and Rachel called me to say that she's going to convert me back into a good Jew. So yeah, I know," Noah texted back.

"Hey, I'm just saying that's what went down. The fairy gay-mothers are on your side. Brittany made me text that, by the way."

"Thanks. Kurt's going to be here soon so…."

"We expect a full report."

Noah put his phone away and took a sip of his water. He looked around the restaurant, scoping for the front door, when Kurt Hummel walked in. Noah raised his hand and waved until Kurt found him. Noah took his last moment alone to check for the essentials. _Wallet? Check. Cell phone? Check. Dick? Check. Guts? Better fucking hope so._

"Why, hello, Noah." Kurt slid in on the opposite side of the booth as Noah. He flashed a smile.

"Hey, Kurt. How was the nail date?"

"Well, it was an interesting experience. Santana was on her best behavior. Thank you for talking to her, if that is what you did. You don't have to tell me. It got a little awkward, but once the girls started watching 'Bridget Jones' Diary,' it was okay."

The waitress came up to the pair and asked if they knew what they wanted. Noah ordered a cheeseburger with fries. Kurt ordered the linguine alfredo. The waitress wrote down the order and left.

"What did you want to talk about," Kurt asked sincerely. Noah looked into his eyes, remembering that he still had to breathe.

"I have a lot to say. Can you not talk while I say this? I'm afraid that I won't get everything out if you do."

"Ok, Noah. I won't talk."

The waitress returns only to drop off a basket of free breadsticks before leaving again.

"I've done a lot of stupid shit in my life. A lot. The reason why that stupid shit happened is because I wanted to become someone I wasn't. I can't make excuses for the things that I've done. I can't take them back. I've been trying to learn from it. As much as it hurts, I understand why some people still don't trust me. I mean, I'm still a badass, but not like before, you know?"

Noah looked down at the table. If he looked at Kurt right now, he was going to lose it. He had to keep himself together right now.

"I'm really sorry about that day in 9th grade. From the bottom of my heart, Kurt. I didn't realize how much that one word hurt you until our argument in the locker room. Before you came to talk to me in the cafeteria, Dave was talking shit about you. I defended you, saying you were cool. He accused me of being gay. I didn't care so much about that. He dared me to call you 'that' word. I asked him what he would do if I didn't. He told me that he would beat you up and do the same to me. Something must have snapped with Dave when you came over. I had no time to think and that word just came out of my mouth. That word lost me the person I loved more than anything. Remember when I came to school with bruises after that? I told people that I got into a fight with a neighbor, so then they wouldn't think I was abused at home or some shit. The truth is I did it to myself."

"No-"

"You said." Noah interrupted Kurt before he could say anything.

"Okay."

"It sounds fucking pathetic, but it's true. I was too much of a coward to apologize to you. So I took it out on myself. It took me a long time to separate myself from who I was trying to be to who I really am. The breaking point was getting that picture of Beth, back in August. I kept on asking myself, 'what if I had fought to keep her,' then, 'if you can't even express your true feelings then how do you expect to raise a daughter.' When we got the Glee assignment last week, and I picked your name, I wasn't sure that I was ready to deal. So I went for that night stroll in the park with Jack Daniels. Even though you've been around for a while, hearing you say that you came back meant so much."

Noah felt tears going down his cheeks. He still wouldn't look at Kurt. Kurt was tearing up a little himself, and thanked Gaga that Noah couldn't see it right now.

"Kurt. I've been in love with you for a very long time. I love you so much; I named my daughter after you. Quinn thinks that I named her after the song, but my real inspiration was you. I'm not telling you this only because I miss Beth. I do miss her. The possibility of seeing her again is slim, but I still think of her as my daughter. I know that she'll have a great life with Shelby. I'm saying this because when you left McKinley, I thought I lost you forever. I know, now, that I can't deny my heart someone that I've needed my entire life. Not anymore. I've missed you so much, in so many ways. I know we can't have the good memories that we had as kids. But. If you'll have me, we can make new good memories."

Noah felt like the weight of the world was beginning to ease off of him.

"I understand if you can't forgive me. I understand if you don't love me back. I had to tell you. I had to apologize to you before it was too late."

Noah didn't expect what happened next. Kurt held Noah's hand. Noah almost jumped. The warmth of the smaller boy's hand was comforting.

"Are you done?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah." Noah looked up at Kurt. Both boys' eyes were red.

The waitress came with their food. The boys ignored her presence as she maneuvered over the hands to set the plates down. When she left, Kurt still held Noah's hand. Both boys used their free hand to eat.

"I forgave you when you stood up to Karofsky on my behalf after I left for Dalton."

"You knew about that?"

"Someone told our friend Matt Rutherford about it, and he told me."

"I wanted to make sure you were safe."

"I didn't need to be rescued, Noah."

"I know. I know you're not some fucking Disney damsel. But no one hurts the people I love, simple as that. I could have done more though. I assumed that because you had that huge crush on Finn, that you would've trusted him more than me. I was jealous of the way you looked at him during sophomore year."

Kurt rolled his eyes, remembering how often Noah would accuse Finn of being gay.

"Finn and I had a falling out that was similar to ours. But I learned my lesson. "

Noah felt those words sink into his memory. He thought that there's no way Kurt could ever love him now. He let go of Kurt's hand and starts gathering his things. Kurt gives the other boy a glare. Noah stands up.

"I think I have my answer. I'm going to go."

"Oh no, you will not! You have no idea what my answer is. Sit down. Please."

Noah sits back down and Kurt immediately takes back Noah's hand like he owns it.

"Noah. I had a crush on you in elementary and middle school. I was afraid to express my feelings for you. But they were there. How I acted on my feelings for Finn on the outside was how I felt about you on the inside. I guess a small part of me knew that Finn was a safe option and that it would never happen. Believe me, it is much better that we're stepbrothers. If things turned out differently between you and I, I wouldn't have waited so long to come out. Mercedes was the first person I told."

"Bullshit," Noah thought. He knew Kurt was wrong, but he would deal with that later. Clearly, Noah remembered the day they made their pact more than Kurt did.

"I had a crush on you too, Kurt. It started before middle school. When I started doing football, and we didn't hang out as much, I thought that we lost our connection."

"We didn't lose it, not completely. Glee Club certainly helped rebuild things." Kurt looked at their joined hands on the table.

"Yeah."

"And with Blaine-"

"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to."

"Thanks, you're sweet. It's okay, though. During the summer, his father flat out refused to let Blaine transfer. Blaine started acting differently after that. Before, he was romantic and willing to wait. Then he started to pressure me into doing things that I wasn't ready for. When school started, he tried to convince me to give him a blowjob in the janitor's closet. That was the last straw. I broke it off in September. Of course, breaking up with my first boyfriend was devastating. I'm sad that Blaine doesn't have a father that's accepting of his sexuality. Ultimately, I had to trust my gut and end the relationship. It was not healthy for either of us. I think he tried pressuring as a way to gain some sort of control in his life. Either way, I'm glad that I didn't let him take advantage of me. So, that's what happened. How about we get out of here, Noah? I'm starting to feel like a permanent fixture in the booth."

"Sure thing, princess."

Each boy paid for their share of the meal, then they left Breadstix.

"Would you mind giving me a ride home? I kind of walked here," Noah said.

"Sure. I don't want you to get frostbite, since you always neglect to wear a jacket."

Kurt walked to his Navigator, with Noah behind him. Just before heading to the driver's side of the car, Kurt turned to face Noah. Kurt lifted himself to match Noah's height, placed one hand behind the taller boy's neck, and kissed him.

"I always thought, that out of the two of us, I would've been the first one to say I love you. It feels just as good the other way around. I love you, No-el."

Noah's eyes beamed when he heard Kurt call him that.

"I love you too, Kurtsie."

They didn't know what was in store for them in Sectionals, college, or the status of their relationship. They loved each other, and wanted to be together, that much they knew. Kurt wouldn't push Noah to come out until he was ready. Noah wouldn't push Kurt into anything he wasn't ready for. To him, Kurt was worth waiting for. He never waited for girls, but this was different. This was Kurt, his boy, his love. His first love.

Noah got into Kurt's vehicle and quickly texted Santana. "Operation Future Double Dates was a success."

Their battle scars were far from healed. But since they finally had each other again, it was a good start.


	14. Flashback: Noel and Kurtsie

CHAPTER FOURTEEN – FLASHBACK: NO-EL AND KURTSIE

Eight year olds Kurt Hummel and Noah Puckerman walked together most days after school. They would alternate between houses to hang out before the other had to go home. Kurt's mom used to pick him up from Noah's, but she was in the hospital most of the time. All Kurt said to Noah was that she was sick. Noah secretly sent prayers to Kurt's mom every night, because he knew Kurt would be sad if he knew. Burt had since taken over as his little man's chauffeur. Sometimes, Noah's dad would pick him up from Kurt's, but lately his father had been focused on finding a new job. Layoffs in Lima were always brutal. Kurt sometimes brought Noah a piece of candy at school to cheer him up. Since Noah's father wouldn't be able to pick him up today, the boys headed towards Noah's house.

Kurt noticed a boy and a girl walking together, holding hands. He thought that it was very strange.

"No-el, can I tell you a secret?

"Sure."

"I don't think I like girls."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. Does that make me a bad person?"

"No way. You wouldn't be my best friend of three years if you were a bad person."

"But, I've never seen two boys hold hands before. Just a boy and a girl hold hands. I don't get it."

Noah looked at Kurt and saw that the taller boy was sad, like he was about to cry. Noah's hand took Kurt's and laced the fingers together. Kurt nearly jumped.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm holding your hand."

Kurt blushed. Noah enjoyed making Kurt happy. Seeing Kurt smile was the best thing in the world to Noah. He felt victorious when he saw a small grin try to escape from Kurt.

"Are you still having trouble pronouncing your ah's, Kurtsie?"

"No."

"Then why do you say No-el, instead of No-ah?"

"Because! It always feels like Christmas when I'm with you."

Noah looked down at his feet while he walked. A few seconds later, he felt his arm being yanked away from him and he fell to the ground.

"Watch where you're going," Kurt yelled. "You almost ran into the tree!"

"I didn't even see it. Thank you for saving my life, Kurtsie. You're my hero!" Noah stood up and mock bowed to Kurt.

"I hardly call that saving your life."

"But I'm always getting hurt. Hey, I know! Just in case, if that happens again, we should make a pact that we'll always keep each other safe."

"You mean it, No-el?"

"Yeah."

Kurt thought about it for a few seconds.

"Deal. How do we seal the pact?"

"I guess we can just hold hands until we get back to my house." Noah offered his hand out to Kurt, which the other boy grabbed. Their hands stuck like glue for the rest of the walk. Neither boy wanted it to end. Eight years later, they knew why.

THE END


End file.
